Bob was driving home after spending a great day on the lake fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home, so he was speeding just a little bit. As he was crossing a bridge, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned Bob to the side of the bridge.
Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to Bob’s car and said “You know how fast you were goin’, boy?”
Bob thought for a second and said “Uh, 60?”
“67 MPH, BOY!! 67 MPH in a 55 zone!!!” said the cop.
“If you already knew, why’d you ask me?”, Bob snarled back.
Fuming over Bob’s answer, the officer growled, “That’s speeding, and you’re getting a ticket and a fine!” The cop took a good close look at Bob in his stained fishing attire, and said, “You don’t even look like you have a job!! Why, I’ve never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!”
Bob answered, “Hey, I’ve got a job . . . a good job!”
The cop leaned in the window, sniffing the foul air, and said, “What kind of a job would a smelly bum like you have?”
“I’m a rectum stretcher!” Bob replied.
“What the hell does a rectum stretcher do, Boy?” asked the cop.
Bob explained, “When someone needs to be stretched, I’m the one who does it. I start with a couple fingers, then a couple more, and then one hand, then both hands. Then I slowly pull them farther and farther apart until the rectum is a full six feet across.”
The cop, absorbed with this bizarre image, asked, “What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?”
Bob replied, “I guess you give it a radar gun and stick it on the end of a bridge!”